This morning Skeeter clawed me in the head to wake me up and then demanded food. As I staggered to the kitchen, he ran past me to get there first! He hasn't felt good enough to be that annoying in months! Yay!
Kidney meds, munch meat, and bottled water: these are the ingredients for a happy cat.
Which is why my tree guy is a failure.
We have a scary branch hanging on our power lines. I got a number, called a guy who said he would be there at 8:00am. that was an hour and 15 minutes ago. Fail.
I seem to recall a certain bathtub installer who also did not show up. So I called another bathtub installer. Who also did not show up. What the hell? Seriously?
I haven't quite felt right for a while. I looked up depression and its symptoms and treatments and I found an interesting footnote about it being linked to magnesium deficiency. I looked into it more closely and I think I may have been experiencing this for some time. I got me some Mg, and I've been taking it and maybe it's just the placebo effect talking here, but I feel better. I can think more clearly. I even ran this morning. I'm not as obsessed with chow. My eyelid twitching is gone.
I'm taking 5HTP during the week - at night to use the benefits of the drowsiness.
I ate fresh fruit, among lots of other things, and took it easy instead of participating in the art festival the car and I were supposed to be in. I was there Friday night, and I went back and fetched my car home when I heard people were climbing in and messing with things- and one moron tried to change his baby's dirty fricking diaper ON MY CAR!!! Nasty!!
A friend who was showing his own art car next to mine chased him away.
So, I stayed home all weekend and napped and watched QI and napped some more and read and spent loads of time with Skeeter.
I feel like running and jumping and playing. I feel like studying and improvising and being around people.
I am still sad, but it's just something that is there, not something that is kicking my ass.
I started taking this stuff a few days ago to ease my depression. So far, I feel a little lighter in mood, and I'm thirsty a lot of the time, but that could easily be the chicken salad I had for dinner. I'm taking extra B6 to help metabolize the 5-HTP. I don't feel as hungry, though I did binge some cereal last night after having a bit of a cry.
Didn't sleep well thanks to the insane weather. Heat index today: 105 degrees.
So I have a marmoset picture on my desktop. Because marmoset there'd be days like this...
I love you, Miss Pam!!!
Almost there. I am still a bit hurty and I feel a little weak, but I am at work.
So much to do, and so very very little determination.
I think I'm seriously depressed. I need to walk this evening when I get home.
So, there's this lady I know named Jenn who I became friends with in a weird, sideways sort of manner some time ago, and the more I got the know her, the more I liked her. She always makes me feel good when I'm around her. She's funny, and she's so funny and awesome that she makes everyone around her feel like they are the funniest person in the room, too. I have no idea how she does it.
She's been through The Shit. And if there's anyone who could qualify for a permit to kick babies, based on the crap she's been through, it's her. And yet... she laughs it off. Turns it into part of her set, if it makes a good story, and still finds time to listen to me bitch about the petty (and not so petty) bullshit in my own life.
I think I figured it out. On paper, her life has run somewhat parallel to my mother's life. Marriage, kids, divorce - they even smoke the same brand of cigarettes. But whereas my mother curled up in a spiteful ball of isolation and paranoia, Jenn didn't. She makes people want to help her, and then she lets them help her. She is not afraid to share the good and the bad - because neither one can destroy her.
Jenn's a lot stronger than she knows. It takes balls to choose to be happy and to not let the fucktards of the world take that away.
So, I'm looking at my own life - and there's some pain in it right now and more on the horizon (like her life and your life too) and I feel privileged to have Jenn as an excellent example of how to deal with it. Pain comes at you. It hurts. It angers you. You deal, and then, you find the funny in it and move on to the next joyous thing.
Thank you for being my friend, Jenn. I love you exactly as you are, and exactly as you'll always be.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)